The World is Not Ending Tomorrow.

Because I said so.

And here are my reasons why:

  •  I have to run a half marathon on Sunday. Duh.
  • I refuse to end my life before partaking in a flash mob, making it on The Bachelor, raiding this season’s Semi-Annual Sale at Vic Secret, and learning how to do the two-finger whistle at baseball games.
  • I need to kiss Chloe goodbye, and she’s still at boot camp.
  • I haven’t properly taught my 7 year old nieces the words to “All I Do is Win.”

However, when my friend Jenna sent me “50 Reasons Why The World is Definitely Ending,” I couldn’t help but crack up. Well… maybe the world really is coming to an end.

According to this list, the world is ending tomorrow because:

Snooki is a NY Times best-selling author
Ke$ha took a shower (hey, stop hatin’ on my homegirl swag).
Drugs are now in bath crystal form (seriously?)
Someone’s mom cried when the Biebs cut his hair (come on, now the kid is safe from the whiplash).
Gaga was spotted wearing jeans
There’s a new drinking game. It entails pouring vodka into your eyeball (WHO is playing this, and where do they live? Clearly they need me to arrive with my repertoire of “Thumper,” “Kings,” “Quelf,” and “Loaded Questions”).
A 19-year-old Mexican girl went on hunger strike in hopes that the Royal Wedding Party would invite her to their big day (wow, that girl sounds like a fun guest!).
Glee broke Elvis and The Beatles’ Billboard Hot 100 Record (don’t hate).
A lady is trying to sue a mall because she was texting and walking… and then did a faceplant in the mall fountain (text at your own risk, lady. Stop trying to swim in a mall. And if you’re wanting money out of this, maybe you should have picked up all the coins at the bottom and saved yourself a whole lotta paperwork).
Aaaand this one speaks for itself:

where did the chick on the right get that padded dress (shirt?!)? and does Snooki’s mom not know the dangers of earlobe stretching at the age of four?!

And look! There’s even a company who will take care of your pets if you’re not around after “Judgement Day.” I’m so glad to see Chloe will be in such good hands (wait, why will she be safe if I’m not?).

Have you heard of this “prophecy?” Apparently, at 6:00 p.m. tomorrow, May 21, there will be an earth-shattering earthquake to signify “Judgement Day” has begun.

Nah. I have to run 13.1 miles on Sunday. Sorry, prophets. See ya Sunday.

If the world really did end at 6 p.m. tomorrow, what would you be doing beforehand?

See ya on the flipside of our Williamsburg half marathon “fun run.” Oh yeeuh.


31 responses to “The World is Not Ending Tomorrow.

  1. Cute post!! I couldn’t agree more- the world isn’t ending tomorrow because The Bachelorette starts Monday and I have to see who Ashley ends up with 😉

  2. omg I want to be in a flash mob so bad. If I’m ever secretly part of one I promise I’ll invite you too.

  3. I hope that someday I can run a half “just for fun”.

    Have you seen the video of the lady at the mall? I can’t decide whether its funny or too painful to laugh at!

  4. bahahahahaha! ok this was the highlight of my day. true story.

    did gaga really wear jeans? my world just crumbled. haha!

  5. LOVE this post! You make me laugh…a lot!!

  6. hahahaha literally just laughed out loud in starbucks…embarrassing!this is awesome!

  7. Hahaha! That list is hilarious!

    At 6pm on May 21st I will be at my cousin’s wedding ceremony as it begins. Hopefully they can get married before the world ends. 😉

  8. Just came across your blog, and oh my word that list is hilarious!

  9. i mean seriously, it cant happen. NOT gonna happen. But the list is hilarious…
    good luck on sunday!!! alyssa powerrrrr

  10. i live in nashville, and i saw this a couple of weeks ago. i can’t remember whose blog i commented on… but apparently this guy spent his LIFE SAVINGS so he could “warn” us about it. Here’s my picture:

  11. runyogarepeat

    This made me laugh, there’s just so much ridiculous things in the world. I really hope you get to run your race because you already have that cute outfit picked out!

  12. This is genius.
    I would totally be the woman who was walking and texting, only to fall into a fountain. But I wouldn’t be crazy enough to sue the mall. I can admit my own stupidity. I have already fallen down the stairs while texting and run into a glass door.
    I’m not cool.
    Twitter: @GlamKitten88

  13. OMG wow.. are those facts legit!?! im SO WITH u on the bachelor.. BETTAH get on that! oh and Real World.. oh wow.. ahh skdfjld ahh.s gah.. time pressure… what wud i doa.. sdfjsdlf .. I would take a red eye to channing tatums house and lay one on him

  14. HAHAHA people are so craaaazy!! And what is up with those kids?!?!

    You’ll show those prophets at your race!! But I’ll be sitting in my closet with all my nut butters and a bag of chocolate chips just in case.

  15. Lmfao!!! I love it! The world better not be ending tomorrow because I just got accepted into grad school!

  16. This post was hilarious.

    At least if it does (which it wont!) I’ll be at a family barbeque. 🙂

  17. HAHA!! Ugh, I’d be so pissed if it ended tomorrow. I have such big weekend plans 😦

  18. We have a half to be rockin out in! Obviously. Ha that picture of little kids made me laugh so fierce.

  19. OMFG

    Thank you thank you thank you for this post. I am cracking up over here and that list is awesome!! Especially the lil Jersey Shore pic and the woman crying over In N Out–really?

    I would cry if the world ended and I didn’t get to kiss Linky good bye 😦 Hope boot camp is working out for Miss Chloe!

  20. I want in on the flashmob!!! I don’t know how you can be away from Chloe for so long! I would go crazy!!
    If the world is going to end at 6pm I better get busy eating some mexican food, a peice of cheesecake and watching all the TV shows on my DVR. : )

  21. Amy @ countrystrong21

    Oh my that picture of those kids made me laugh so hard!

    The world cannot end today because I have plans to finally see Something Borrowed tomorrow afternoon. I just finished reading the book last night. Now I want to read Something Blue (I think that was the title), the follow up to Something Borrowed and told from Darcy’s point of view.

  22. moveovercelery

    Bahahaha, OH J BIEBZ! People are just too crazy. Thanks for the chuckle! 😛

  23. Oh man. That picture is TOO much. People are so weird!

  24. i laughed so hard when I read this! thank you. Good luck today friend. Youre gonna be great!

  25. Hahah oh my god. Those kids! Wow 😀

  26. Love that website–I giggled the whole time. Hope your half went awesome!!! Can’t wait to read about it!

  27. hahah i love this post. im surprised the world did not end based on all those things. 🙂
    i came across your blog via whatrunslori. your glass painting looks awesome & i might order one in the near future. i need a big glass for smoothies!
    i see that you’re from virginia beach. i was just there over spring break & loved it. im going back in july. (my bf is is stationed at the naval base in norfolk.)
    i hope your run went awesome!

    – Sharelle

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